-


Musings of the jailbird

For the first time in many I am afraid of waking up to the tattered pieces of reality, that the cold floor is going to be my companion while you sleep on the warm bed and eat the best food life can offer. Do you miss me? Do you ever think of me? Do you ever go to the places we used to frequent? Tell me, should I still keep dreaming of you or get a grip on reality? Should I still hold on to the lost ounce of hope or give in to reality and collapse into a heap of tears in my cell?
I don’t know what to expect but I have to hope this will soften your heart a bit, that is if it is still there for me. I go wrong many times, I have been wrong because I am human. If I don’t fall today I will tomorrow, but you can stand in the witness box and tell them how hard I tried. You can stand before cupid and tell him I stole your heart and your existence. I am a criminal, I have lied, stolen and done worse and can’t be trusted much, but I can’t lie about how I feel, because it is worth the say no matter how bitter. I have stolen your smile and confidence, I have robbed you of your esteem and broken your heart quite a number of times
I have tried, believe me, I have tried to seek solace in the dreams but they torture me even more than reality. Memories sweet and tender haunt from the back of the line, mock me when I try reaching out for them. I dread remembering your face, because it reminds me of the claustrophobia behind these bars. It creates in me thoughts of you with another man, his hands on you and your lips on his, soaked in passion while back here I hunger for you.
It has taken me a cold floor, rusting grills and a whole lot of heartache to truly know what I had and lost. The world is one big place without you, I can see it now. You told me sometimes it is good to be weak, so allow me to break down and weep into my arms. The fact that you rarely stay up to stare at the moon does not stop it from coming out every night when it should. The fact that it is not as appreciated as the sun does not stop it from lighting our dreams and watering our ambitions. It doesn’t matter if you still think or not, I will always be here to think of you. It doesn’t matter if memories of us have been flushed down to the sewers, I will swim in and salvage the tiny fragments of existence. Someday when I come home I will go to the dark basement, dust the picture of us and hang it right by the bedside.
I just want you to know, that out of all the girls in the world, you are my one and only one, and I shall fight for you. If I meet my end, then so be it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

-
If we must die If we must die, let it not be like cows in the slaughter, walking willingly into the bloodbaths, too meek to resist and too trusting to argue. Let us die like buffaloes in a lion chase or ants in a midday march. Let us die like termites in search of freedom in a hostile world. If we must die, let it not be like birds caught in storm or a deer by a hunter’s spear. Let it not be like foxes caught in traps or flies landing on fire. If we must die, let our death not be told to those with faint hearts and loud wails. Let it not be known by those women who know not to keep their mouth shut. Let it not be told to those frail and on the brink lest they tilt over. If we must die, let the news be hushed and kept silent. Let everyone be told that we refused to be vanquished, that the flame refused to be extinguished. Let them be told that it is not graves but a mound full of seeds and flowers. Lord, if we must die, let us waft out into your presence like sacred incense. Send a ch...
Read more
-
Where did you go? I am a walking carcass hoping for a wind strong enough to carry me away, a rain harsh enough to dissolve me into a lump of soil. If I could erase all these memories and go back to the days before I met you, I would. But how sad that I roll in torture during the night and burn during the day. Tell me, old friend, you who made me feel special and important, where did the wind take you? Should I cry for time that conspired against us or should I let you shoulder the burden? I have been reduced into a mess of tears and regret. I have lost my trust and my confidence, come to me, you who gave me strength and take me with you. Tell me I was dreaming and tuck me back to sleep. Smother me with the pillow so I will not wake from this, for what is life, when she that I adored and loved in equal measure walked out on me? Look at me now as I wade knee deep in mud and slime, look at me as I stretch my hands to take you back but oh how far away you are. Come messiah, before...
Read more
-
I see in the news everyday children in tattered clothes walking the streets of Somalia, Burundi and even South Sudan. They look at cameras with their yellow jaundiced eyes, all a picture of pain, hunger and sorrow. And yet we choose either not to care or ignore their plea. Fat men and fat women sit on their tables heaped with food they don’t even eat with the television to keep them company yet, back in those countries, men lay dead in the fields, women walk around forlorn and forsaken. We see a child running up and down screaming and crying looking for their parents among a pile of bodies. We just sigh and change the station, and that is just about it. I see men with mucus in their noses and shuffling with sticks due to their amputated legs, their eyes etched into the distance, hope a very foreign word for them. We claim that Africa is held together by bonds of brotherhood. Which brotherhood or Africa for that matter are we talking about? I see a continent operating on whims of...
Read more