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Musings of the jailbird

For the first time in many I am afraid of waking up to the tattered pieces of reality, that the cold floor is going to be my companion while you sleep on the warm bed and eat the best food life can offer. Do you miss me? Do you ever think of me? Do you ever go to the places we used to frequent? Tell me, should I still keep dreaming of you or get a grip on reality? Should I still hold on to the lost ounce of hope or give in to reality and collapse into a heap of tears in my cell?
I don’t know what to expect but I have to hope this will soften your heart a bit, that is if it is still there for me. I go wrong many times, I have been wrong because I am human. If I don’t fall today I will tomorrow, but you can stand in the witness box and tell them how hard I tried. You can stand before cupid and tell him I stole your heart and your existence. I am a criminal, I have lied, stolen and done worse and can’t be trusted much, but I can’t lie about how I feel, because it is worth the say no matter how bitter. I have stolen your smile and confidence, I have robbed you of your esteem and broken your heart quite a number of times
I have tried, believe me, I have tried to seek solace in the dreams but they torture me even more than reality. Memories sweet and tender haunt from the back of the line, mock me when I try reaching out for them. I dread remembering your face, because it reminds me of the claustrophobia behind these bars. It creates in me thoughts of you with another man, his hands on you and your lips on his, soaked in passion while back here I hunger for you.
It has taken me a cold floor, rusting grills and a whole lot of heartache to truly know what I had and lost. The world is one big place without you, I can see it now. You told me sometimes it is good to be weak, so allow me to break down and weep into my arms. The fact that you rarely stay up to stare at the moon does not stop it from coming out every night when it should. The fact that it is not as appreciated as the sun does not stop it from lighting our dreams and watering our ambitions. It doesn’t matter if you still think or not, I will always be here to think of you. It doesn’t matter if memories of us have been flushed down to the sewers, I will swim in and salvage the tiny fragments of existence. Someday when I come home I will go to the dark basement, dust the picture of us and hang it right by the bedside.
I just want you to know, that out of all the girls in the world, you are my one and only one, and I shall fight for you. If I meet my end, then so be it.

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