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All this time

I have been alone for a long time, because I could no longer believe in forever. I had tried solitude because love was a painful pill that never cured the disease but made it worse. I had made a vow that I would never chase after the world of soft petals and blue skies, because petals wither and dark nimbus wipe away the blue high above. All I want to do today is curse the day that the sun lit my pitch dark world. It was bliss, but all this time I never remembered that the sun does not last forever in the sky, but it rises in the morning and sets in the evening, doesn’t it? But mine didn’t rise in my backyard the next morning. I only saw it in my neighbour’s backyard. When we met, that day in the lawn, you told me your heart fell for me. You told me I was what you were seeking all along. Why didn’t you say earlier so we could become friends instead? Why didn’t you stop me before I got in too deep? Why didn’t you warn me before I let myself fall that fast? Why didn’t you tell me it was a board and I was a pawn in your game of chess? All that time when I dreamt and held you in my arms, all this time when we kissed, when we walked hand in hand, when we fought then made up, how hard was it to open your mouth and say there was someone else you were eyeing?
I guess it was my fault. I never asked. I refused to see the truth as it is, that you were a bit more than friends. I refused to believe my eyes when you walked hand in hand by me. It is my fault now that I refuse to let you walk away. Maybe things would have been different if morning never came but it is now dark again. Why did I allow myself to taste this forbidden light? It has left me with a yearning than an electric lamp cannot fill.
Your love life is a rose with more thorns than petals, with the sickening smell of polluted purity, but why do I love your poison that much? Why do I miss the pain so much? I don’t want forever, I just pray for tonight, hoping I can at least get a glimpse of what one more day would mean. I’d give anything to have you by my side again, to be able to live and feel again, to be able to get back what went with the wind.
How far forever seems now that you’re not there to spend with me. How dark the horizon seems now that you are not here to light it up. Just show me the door and I will knock till it opens, show me the way and I will run till I get to the mountain top. Just tell me you will be waiting and I will toil harder and crawl faster to get what I thought was mine. Tell me, just tell me you want us to start over again. I yearn, nay, crave, nay, long for the light that is about to fade into the distance. I hope I get there before the dark swallows me whole for eternity.

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