I shall not raise a hand

They told me sometime when I was young, that a man was he whose fist was tougher than iron. They told me a man was one whose cough would send everybody scampering under the bed and the table. He was one who had control of his home, nobody would laugh without him doing it first and nobody would dare say without consulting the almighty king of the long beard. They taught my ears to hear women scream deep in the night and my eyes to see them tending to wounds on the face and swollen eyes. Everybody in their childhood dreamed of being men so they could revenge on their harsh mothers and the little girls who would never spare them a second glance. But my old man taught me different. What honour and prestige do you gain from fighting one who would never fight back? Does pride ever sing in your heart when you see fear in the place of love? Are a fist and a slap really worth the loss of magic and charm in the eyes of she you once loved? He told me he had never raised a hand and he made me pledge not to be like him but to be even better.

That lady, she who has born my children and made my homestead, that lady who grinds millet for my evening meal and warms water for my bath, I shall not raise a hand against her.

That lady with the laughter of a million bells, head shaped like the pearl at the bottom of the river, with a waist like that of a wasp and the voice of a rushing stream. She is the envy of the womenfolk and the apple of my eye.

Yes you have your moments and your days. There are times your words are like the nettle on the skin and aloe in the mouth. There are times your actions cut deeper than a double-edged sword but who remembers that? Who focuses on the cat stealing milk when it has eliminated all the rats in the house, or the calf cutting loose after the children have had milk to their fill?

I will be a man, that I know, but my path will not be the one my ancestors walked. I refused to be yoked along with their misdeeds and misplaced notions. I refuse to sink with the heavy stone they would love to tie on my neck. I shall not raise a hand, even if it means being a coward, after all, cowards live to see another day.