-


I am jealous

Everyday a volcano boils and simmers inside me. It is one planning to erupt but doesn’t know when and how. If I had the guts I’d talk before it is late but how should I when I occupy the dark side of your life? How should I get noticed when I am just a breeze wafting over the desert? Who will see me when I am just a candle on a massive chandelier, a spark in a bush inferno? I am jealous of they that flock your side and drink from your cup. I am jealous of all of them that take off their coats to cover you on a cold day and the hands that strive to cuddle you when night slowly creeps in. I am jealous of all of them, those knights that have a choice of horses. If you could just notice my mule... she does not run fast but she can run far. She cannot neigh to your command but she will never rebel against your wish. I am jealous, because I am that tiny star that children do not notice at night but you are the moon, the centre of the night, you are the sky, and I am just an arm of a cloud peeking from your horizon. I wish I was you, but I am not and I never will be. I am jealous though, I still am. For the smile in your mouth is not mine and the peals of laughter is not supposed to be my tune. I am jealous of you that many love and worship. I am jealous of you that knows life in the sun while I languish in the dark. I shall not lie. I am jealous of you that people see worth fighting for while I stay just to wait till your end comes. I am jealous of you, who have never known what being second means for all you have has been made first. If I could find a way to be close to who you are maybe I would not hate or choose. Maybe I won’t lose them at will. Maybe I will love till the end of the day and deep into the night. I am still jealous though, of that flower that bees and the humming bird notice. I am jealous of that great path that they all want to walk. I know that even though I am just a footpath, someday I shall be seen then they shall jostle for space on me, to just touch my dust and walk under my shadow. Maybe someday when I am a ripe fruit the birds shall show up at my tree. Maybe someday when the firewood dries up I shall make a giant inferno and they shall sit by me on cold nights. Maybe someday when I become great I no longer will have to beg, or to eat from your bits and bites. Maybe someday I shall grow tall then they shall see me above them all, and I shall be known. Maybe someday they no longer will take me for granted.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

-
If we must die If we must die, let it not be like cows in the slaughter, walking willingly into the bloodbaths, too meek to resist and too trusting to argue. Let us die like buffaloes in a lion chase or ants in a midday march. Let us die like termites in search of freedom in a hostile world. If we must die, let it not be like birds caught in storm or a deer by a hunter’s spear. Let it not be like foxes caught in traps or flies landing on fire. If we must die, let our death not be told to those with faint hearts and loud wails. Let it not be known by those women who know not to keep their mouth shut. Let it not be told to those frail and on the brink lest they tilt over. If we must die, let the news be hushed and kept silent. Let everyone be told that we refused to be vanquished, that the flame refused to be extinguished. Let them be told that it is not graves but a mound full of seeds and flowers. Lord, if we must die, let us waft out into your presence like sacred incense. Send a ch
Read more
-
Where did you go? I am a walking carcass hoping for a wind strong enough to carry me away, a rain harsh enough to dissolve me into a lump of soil. If I could erase all these memories and go back to the days before I met you, I would. But how sad that I roll in torture during the night and burn during the day. Tell me, old friend, you who made me feel special and important, where did the wind take you? Should I cry for time that conspired against us or should I let you shoulder the burden? I have been reduced into a mess of tears and regret. I have lost my trust and my confidence, come to me, you who gave me strength and take me with you. Tell me I was dreaming and tuck me back to sleep. Smother me with the pillow so I will not wake from this, for what is life, when she that I adored and loved in equal measure walked out on me? Look at me now as I wade knee deep in mud and slime, look at me as I stretch my hands to take you back but oh how far away you are. Come messiah, before
Read more
-
Blandness Many times you have let it be, that anger has blinded your eyes and ire has taken over your life. You have embraced sorrow for so long, and you have stayed too long in your bed of grief, that you remember no more what it feels to be happy. You have ceased to live, and life has long left you. You were a bee, but you have long convinced yourself that you are a fly. Oh son, you have allowed death to rule your soul. You have allowed darkness to carry a sceptre, and declare itself king in the kingdom of your being. You have been chained to a post, by an imaginary rope, and you have been held back by your own fear, like a dog without a chain, but still lies around the chaining post. You have closed the doors and the windows and allowed the smoke to sail into your heart. You have broken all the mirrors because when you look at them you see not the scar on your face but that in your heart, but oh, they do not lie. Count not the graveyards lest they sprout outside in your yard. Do no
Read more