I should have known

You called in and said you needed a shoulder. You said you were crumbling and needed a place to vent. I should have known. I should have known you would in no time be lost in the clouds of delusional self-importance. Like a drifter to his bottle and a bee to its flower, I held on to you, little knowing that after a night’s drinking I would wake up with a hangover. I should have known that the petals could no longer sustain the bee during the dry season. Who was I to believe the bottomless well of the rainy season would stand in the drought? I should have known to leave early before love turned me into a man full of laments and sniffs of self pity. How did you expect me to write you a letter, when my eyes were too teary to see the pages? How did you expect me to love back when you left me in love alone? I should have known that I could have lived without you. I should have known that I could dream without thinking of you.

Tell me, you unbeliever how a man should look when his heart is broken, for I very much wish I had listened to your misplaced counsel and drunk from your cup of vain wisdom. I always thought when the storm abated we wouldn’t have to lie about us, but who was I to expect wheat in between a heap of old chaff? I guess the angel that touched me is gone for good, for before me I see an executioner putting me in the path of a bullet. We were immortalized in portraits and photos, and hoped forever would revolve around that, but I should have known that man turns not the wheels of fate. He rather bows to what it has in store for him. Thoughts and emotions cling onto me like woollen clothes in the rainy season but I am tired. I am tired of carrying on me emotions sodden with guilt and stale memories. How much I hope they will fall off like scales off a leper but if only wishes were horses... I should have known earlier, that your love was like a fresh breath of mint placed in your mouth to hide the smell of cheap liquor. I should have known that your heart was a fluffy pillow with anchors hidden deep in the soft wool. You should have told me the glitters at the bottom were shards of glass waiting to cut me in pieces. But you did not, because you wanted me to fall and cut myself to your amusement. You wanted me to be broken so you could apologize for it, and the little fool I was I would have forgiven you. I guess I should have known earlier than a poisonous mushroom rarely changes its spots.

But all that was yesterday, for today I am brighter than ever. I know that I cannot write a letter to the past and hope it replies today. I have seen a rainbow so you can no longer lock me inside the dark rain clouds you possess. I have seen the sun, so you can no longer heap all your gloom on me. Let the pillow burn, let the house catch fire and burn to the ground, so that all the seeds of discord you planted can turn to ash. Let rain come after and carry away the ashes of hatred so maybe you could start over again. So sad though that I have already known, so you will start over alone, for my knees shall not bow nor my waist bend to your will.