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I am a sinner

Father I have walked for miles, hot sand on my feet and a hot sun on my head. I have looked around for a shade or a little oasis but none. If I say I’m tired, are you going to give me rest? I am a sinner, battered, bruised and bloody. I would want to walk down the broken road again. So tell me father, will I find you waiting at the end of the lane? Will you clothe my naked body? Will you give me a pitcher to quench my thirst? Father, I am a broken door knob, are you going to fix me? Will thy rod and staff comfort me? The chains on me are getting heavier and the yoke getting harder to pull. I have realized how vain my ambitions have been, for I thought I would find it easier to let the flesh have its way. How foolish I was, lord, to believe that I had crossed the mountain so I could walk the plains alone. How short-sighted I was to believe I could see what I wanted with my life yet I didn’t even own it. There is a storm brewing in the horizon, if I call unto you, will you give me shelter? Will you give my flesh strength to bear your heavy cross?
My wounds reek and my face creases with shame every time I hear of you, for I am he who knew but ignored. I am the son that ran to find better but guilt floods his heart and his soul knows no peace. Look at me now, tattered clothes and a wrecked smile. All I need is healing and I don’t think I even deserve it. I walk like a toddler though I believed I could run. I lied to myself that I could fly, now look at me crawl like a worm? Do I even have a right to be called your legitimate son? Do I have a right to walk the path you put down for me? I am a sinner, one who spat on the cross. I am that boy that turned his back to his calling and chose his own path. I am a believer who lost his faith in the paths of pleasure. Tell me, father, can I walk nay, crawl back to your presence? Can I still find your face amongst the clouds in the sky? I have known pain and sorrow. Tell me father, will you give me joy? I have carried burdens on my shoulders, will you take them off? I have the faith of a toddler and the scepticism of an adult. Will you teach me to believe again? Tell me, father, does the rock of ages still have a place for me? How long should I keep traversing the long paths of falsehood and suffering? How long should I have my way, the way of the lost? I am a sinner who doesn’t know where to start. Even if I see your face, will I have the strength to look up at you? I have seen death father, are you going to give me life again? I am a sinner who doesn’t know where to run again, father. Will you open your arms to me? Will you let me walk into your courtyard again? Will you let the past go with the wind? I do not ask for wings anymore for I don’t seek to fly. I only need you to let me walk your path again, to be your son again.

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